Summer's Lavender (13831)

Remember the smell of 
Last summer's lavender?
The violet that shined
The wind blew across the vein 
In the golden morning glory
The window took the light
When we woke up to our eyes
I picked up an angel
From the wide wide garden behind
And all I had
Was to run. To run across 
The shelter line
Run! Run the untold memories of mine
Never remind the sweetness of the wine
Nor the countless rust
I shall bury them in the dusty grave 
To wake up and leaving yesterday

Now you know, now you know
All I had was the lone 
Summer's lavender

Friday's Evening Rain of Heart

A thousand year has passed, guess my mind has rusted out of staying in this terribly busy city. Running out of time and interest, my life has a huge turn-to-left sign. I mean, everybody does anyway, leaving a comfortable life you used to. Fighting is a good thing, but frankly speaking, it is extremely tiring. Great thing about life is, I am still breathing, appreciate it.

      Mind blew when I first came here, a total different culture and attitude of citizens are carrying, made a big shock to me. Know what? I was almost collapse. Anyway went through a lot of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" incidents and I managed to survive for as long here. When people intends to bring you down, be tough and show them who you are as a lone ranger. (I wish you were here)

      Started a new life in this big city, I had to make a hard choice, a hard decision, in which I struggled in between "brain and heart", a war, a world war inside. How to choose? I wouldn't want to give up on you, you know that. You know that aren't you? So I tried my best to pull us closer, I did anything possible, anything I could. All because I was still believing that nothing could separate us as long as we hold each other tightly, but distance proved I was wrong, totally wrong from the beginning. And I kept fighting, fighting alone when you didn't, I was tired but I wouldn't give up, hope and prayers are my weapons. Well, a "ha-ha-ha..." for myself, I should had laughed at silly me. At this moment, I don't know if it has come to the end, I am tired spiritually, heart gets colder when we were disappointed again and again. Fuck retarded love, fuck relation'shit'.

      And now I have to make the choice, to choose if I should stay or to go away, I guess time will give me an accurate answer, maybe. And they said, if two persons are meant to be together, they will no matter how long, a life time perhaps? Or else, I will just keep my heart inside the jar, not to be found not to be realized, learn to live half a life, alone, alone, and chilling soul icy cold.  

      Round a round, we came to like how we were at the beginning, strangers. I wished I didn't even know you, maybe I could survive better in the loneliness, with a job, and a dog, in the city, and the night that never sleeps. 

      Ow, it is raining out there, it is like lavender falling from the grey sky, crystal clear lavender I could smell the blueness in the air. Ahh, a cup of hot tea I should, join me? 

201314.

Now here is how I'm going to start my year. Make a wish and live my life. And wondering hows life going to continue without you. I was craving for love. Something no one would understand how it comes and how it goes away. Something like magic, appearing its strange phenomenon right when the love hormones are working in your body, like the fireworks in the new year night sky. After crowds and loud, men are going back for sleep. And I have been thinking should I do the same thing, celebrating my life everyday, every night. For sure it would be fun, forever. But is it meaningful for me? 
     Senior citizens were less in the new year eve countdown, for sure I was not there. A 21 years old man would not celebrate the new year in the crowd? Alcohol and cigarette maybe? That's what makes me happy at once after you left me. Yeah the world is so full of miserable peoples not less of me. Partying every night partying with alcohol and get drunk, but partying loneliness inside each of us. No one will understand unless you experienced it. Like somehow, I'm trying to forget the pain using alcohol, trying to forget your face by blurring my vision with those smoke. Back to the story, no one seems to care why you were drinking like a baby hungering of milk, no one really cares as they only want to have fun and just dance the whole night in the loudest bass ever. Was not it the greatest night ever?
     But after all, I have to face myself when the sun rises, after each and every lonely night I was thinking of you, shielding my own world, falling my own tears, you would never know, I bet. Every morning I wake up, it seems to have been a decade you weren't here. And every night before I sleep, you come haunting my mind, my broken heart. How could you? I thought you were gone, gone forever, maybe like I was in you. But I was wrong, I tried to fill my life with crazy bitchy busy work, and it works, for a minute. And when I got my self back in silence, you came. Hugging my loneliness, I was just alone. And they said, the strongest people doesn't cry in front of everyone, that's why I cried alone at night, and smile every morning everyday.
     And here, this new year, I am without you for 78 days. I won't tell you how much I miss you all these while. You are going for your new life, me too, I guess. I will always be right here loving you, thinking of you, and you are always inside my frozen heart. Pages I would have kept inside forever, those days with you.
    Blessed new year, readers. 

     201314.

A letter for You

Dear you,


How are you? Hope everything's getting fine there. Purposely this letter is wrote for you, and me, us. I've been thought all these while, a lot of things about us, a lot of things about life.


First of all, i'll make you a starter for my letter. Dear you, i'm so lucky i know you. When i first met you, i never knew you would be so important in my life. You make me feel like i want to take care of you for your whole life. I know i'm not a perfect guy, i always make you angry, i always make you disappointed, i always make you felt jealous too, you have my heart. And sometimes i feel like you are making me the same way, and sorry, i always got angry with you. You would never know how much do i care about you. In the same time, i want to you to have a perfect life. I know its hard, i will try my best to make you happy. I would like to hold your hand until i'm old, no no, until we are old. We are getting closer and we are so fine now. Although we always argued, we always misunderstood each other and we always had different views, still i'm glad we could hold our hands and not letting go. I'm always forgiving for i love you. I would never forget our promise, no matter how hard it is, we would not let go. I would be your guiding star if you are in the dark night, i would be your best listener if you got a lot of problems, i would be your best adviser if you lost your mind, i would be your best story book when you feel lonely, i would lend you my shoulder when you are tired and i would lend you my arms when you are weak, and i would be your best lover when you feel need me. I miss you each single day and night and i wish i could be by your side every moment. I'm going to give you the best of my life. But promise me, take good care of yourself even you are busy, drink plenty of water and eat regularly. I will be angry if you do not do so. I miss you.


And it's about me, guess so =) I would like to let you know more about me, so please take note, haha. Hurm, what should i say, maybe a little about my daily routine (but you know it), i'm having practical in Hospital Laboratory and i would finish my study in December this year. I'm loyal in a relationship, this is what my parents thought me to. They are a very good example. No matter how hard life brings them, they never argued, just went through those hardships together, holding hands and not giving up. Yeah i know i'm not from a rich family and my life isn't perfect, until i met you. Its okay if you never realized that, now you know. I'm not perfect, i need care and love, i need accompany i need listener, i need priority and i need attention, and i need all that from you, just you. I dislike lie, as i never tell a lie in a relationship. I believe in honest will bring a good relationship, even if one day you want to get married with other guy after all, let me know the truth, and i will let you know how much i love you to let you have a happy life you want, okay? And i want to let you know, i appreciate every single thing you did for me, and i hope you would care about me more and more, i love you, and i need you. Sometimes its hard to ask for something, but as long as there is a will, i believe we would be able to get it.


Alright, now it's about us. I'm glad i can hold your hand, and sure i know you are glad to hold mine too, because i'm a nice guy =) I'm tough i'm handsome i'm strong to protect you, you are my precious diamond that i would hold it carefully and with love in my palm, with you i'm someone. When you are not beside me, i fell like there's nothing in my life, everything is so empty. Yeah i know you never get apart from me because you are always on my mind, and each night i would meet you in my dream. It's love which brought us together, i'm thankful, at least, our hearts are so close. Don't give up, life wont fail us if we never fail ourselves, our relationship. Aja aja fighting for us, both of us! We have high dreams, we struggle together, we go on together, we get succeed together in life, and we share everything together, okay? Promise?


I know life isn't perfect and things ain't happening as what we have wanted, we could just hope for it. Perfect with each other, just like how the coffee fits milk, and whalahh, we have Cappuccino. Live our life, love our life, and i would be your best soul and life mate. 


I love you, for yesterday, now, and tomorrow, and always.                          183, and forever.




                                                                                  Yours lovely, faithfully,
                                                                                              Me
                                                                                          04/03/2012

Talking about "THIS THING"

Do we? Or we don't?

I have been heard about love, relationships, arguments recently. And what does it mean to you?

Its so naturally when it comes to chemical, people easily fall in love, but its not easy to maintain, that's why people get married and build up a family, so that they can maintain their "relationship". But for some, its really not easy. When it doesn't come to marriage, or family, then it would takes you lots of passion, enthusiasm, loyalty, honesty, trust, and hard work. When we are talking about relationship or love, people often make it into holding hands of having a dinner and movie together and go for a walk together, more often they didn't realize the importance of talking "heart". As you can see, relationship fills our emptiness deep inside each human, they share everything, they know each other, open their mind to each one, they kiss, they hug, and they hold hands. There's a chemical reaction.

Chemical reaction doesn't stands long, and when the product has been oxidized or reduced, the problem comes. Some might try their best to shine it again or polish it, or even spraying a layer of super duper metallic on it to make it as nice as new. Some might just let it be like that. Its important to show whats in your heart, so that the other half knows everything about you, understands and walks on with you. Showing each other's heart without faking it means you really want the special person to get into your life, hoping that person does too. Its not easy, when it comes to real and true love, you would always be so weak and no matter what mistake have been done, you would always be the first to forgive. Even without explanation. Love blinds everyone.

For some people, relationship is just a leisure, or...amusement?? Some might have wrote it in a diary and keep looking back to those sweet days. Some might have just "follow the wave and  path" and happy go lucky. Whatever it is, loyalty and honesty are two vital points to keep and warms up relationship, so that the right hand would always in your hand. Now in a relationship, its important to give, but never expect to get too much, if you really love someone, here's an advice, be sincere and forgiving, be patient and understanding, but it needs a hard work from both side, no lie, no doubt, and don't grab too tight (now i realized, and its like, ow okay).

Relationship isn't about making love with someone else, having fun time but never share anything, that's a sicken relationship (honestly) and a healthy relationship is when there is interaction from both sides. That's good if you do. You might have asking this on your mind, what?? I don't tell simply everything and it was like "dude no such needs". Seriously, you are wrong, that's the point now we need to tell everything, even friends we make,, or, things we eat..(i do) so that even its distant, we feel each other side by side, so close heart to heart. Be honest, then no problem would occurs. And never give up to explain, its important so that your lover feels you are sincere and meant to be with him/her.

Relationship isn't about perfection, its about right and wills to be together. 

(# a message to you: No matter what, nothing changes my heart towards you. Hold my hand, don't let go. Make distance grows love.)

Forgiven, and to be forgotten.

A Message for Distance

Making it isnt easy.


It takes out passion and will. Well i have to say having someone's trust isnt that easy but losing trust from someone is extremely easy especially when you did something wrong again and again when that someone really believed and trusted you each time you did before. He kept telling himself that you were meant to be with him and should just forgives you each time. He loved you, he trusted you, he let you did what you like, he cared, pampered you, although sometimes he was so jealous with your actions, he kept silent and keep loving you as you are his most precious jewel. He never seeked for your apology and he accepted for who you were. You would never know, sometimes he was just hoping for loyalty and carees, how he is the only one for you in the world. You would never know, how much he misses you everynight and every morning hoping you were beside him all the time, and you would never know, how much he was hurted just because you were close or...flirted with other guys?


You would never know, he forgived each time, but he never thought of revenge, for he loves you. How many times he forgived, and was hoping for your change, looks like he is so stupid, for being a loyal guy. He is, indeed, he is so stupid in love. Again and again he lost control in love, he makes you almost all of his life, and you never know, he had his plan on his mind, to hold your hand until death and he even hoped to hold your hand in the heaven. He loved you that much, but you would never know, you would never try to appreciate, he wont tells you he needs your attention and appreciation, for he knew he loves you, he doesnt need that and he doesnt hope for your love back.


And now, he has choosen to remain in silent.


For all he did, he loves you. For all you did, he forgives. For now, he lost.

Story of the Apple

This is the very first and i was thinking what am i gonna tip-top out of my fingertips. And it was like, ok, maybe about myself first. This is a story about a man who lives, eats, sleeps and loves. In his life he is a man, yet deep inside he still keeps a kid who always tells him to be naive and innocent in anything, that's his simple life.

He was born in the year of 1991, year without laptops (internet), cellphones, facebook or blogger. The year had been very simple and it was all about garden, walks, letters, and maybe a cup of english tea and a butterscouts evening. From 2 he has grown into 21. It wasnt easy, and it was in happiness and sadness both. When he was a kid, he knew the world is so big and he couldnt stop himself from discovering the world. He tried to achieve alot of things, and yeah, he tried to prove himself. He would never knew one day he would be someone like he is now, life was full of mysterious before. He kept on walking, and there was sometimes he was so tired. Deep inside he couldnt feels love and cares from family, he is just like nothing to them. And when he looked back now, he could only remembered punishments, scolds and tears. However life must goes on.

When time passes, he grows. He started to find something he wanted so long ago, ready to get into it one day. Love, which he would never knew how does it feel like when he was a little kid, when he was a little bit too naive and ice-cream could fills his tummy for a day. He needs love, care and attention i know, he does. He is so loney and empty inside there, which he dont simply show it to anyone. Indeed, he found it. He loved, he was hurted, and he grew mature. It took him year and when he started to realize it was all just a dream and when he promised not to open his heart to anyone else, a special person came. It was just like the snow white kissed by the prince, so special he wouldnt know. They kissed, they hugged, they share everything, they love each other. He falls again and now, he is trying to discover life again, holding hands together and go on, just like how he did when he was a kid. And now he loves sincerely and honestly, hoping only death separates them.

C'est la vie.

All about him, this is just the summary of life.