Mind blew when I first came here, a total different culture and attitude of citizens are carrying, made a big shock to me. Know what? I was almost collapse. Anyway went through a lot of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" incidents and I managed to survive for as long here. When people intends to bring you down, be tough and show them who you are as a lone ranger. (I wish you were here)
Started a new life in this big city, I had to make a hard choice, a hard decision, in which I struggled in between "brain and heart", a war, a world war inside. How to choose? I wouldn't want to give up on you, you know that. You know that aren't you? So I tried my best to pull us closer, I did anything possible, anything I could. All because I was still believing that nothing could separate us as long as we hold each other tightly, but distance proved I was wrong, totally wrong from the beginning. And I kept fighting, fighting alone when you didn't, I was tired but I wouldn't give up, hope and prayers are my weapons. Well, a "ha-ha-ha..." for myself, I should had laughed at silly me. At this moment, I don't know if it has come to the end, I am tired spiritually, heart gets colder when we were disappointed again and again. Fuck retarded love, fuck relation'shit'.
And now I have to make the choice, to choose if I should stay or to go away, I guess time will give me an accurate answer, maybe. And they said, if two persons are meant to be together, they will no matter how long, a life time perhaps? Or else, I will just keep my heart inside the jar, not to be found not to be realized, learn to live half a life, alone, alone, and chilling soul icy cold.
Round a round, we came to like how we were at the beginning, strangers. I wished I didn't even know you, maybe I could survive better in the loneliness, with a job, and a dog, in the city, and the night that never sleeps.
Ow, it is raining out there, it is like lavender falling from the grey sky, crystal clear lavender I could smell the blueness in the air. Ahh, a cup of hot tea I should, join me?
It has been almost 6 years since you posted this blog. I hope you are doing just fine. And I hope you have find your true love instead of keep waiting for that person. Well, similar with the ending of "you are the apple of my eye", maybe that person is not mean to be yours. Just because either one of u never take a step to make things right. I watch this movie with someone I used to love. I learnt the song in very hard way just to impress him. We bought our rings and necklace together. We never take out our necklace since we started wearing it. On this day (25/11/19), I can't stop thinking about him. Although I have already have someone, but sometimes......... I wish I never meet him and hurt him. But I think that is the best option. I hope I can meet him, give him a warm hug....
ReplyDeleteAnd for u, please be strong. You are Sean Chia. The strongest guy I ever known.
And You are always the apple of my eyes. ��